To text or not to text that is the question


Yes, I bowdlerized Hamlet's famous to be or not to be, that is the question soliloquy. 

It so worked with what I wanted to write about so apologies to Shakespeare for bogarting his words but thousands before me have done the very same thing but perhaps, not in reference to dating. 

Bringing it back to modern times and the world of dating at 60, when is the right time to tell some guy with whom you have been texting to either pull the trigger or go away?

Let me roll it back a little bit. On the sites and/or apps, one has to engage via "email" on the site initially.
 OK, so there's one email, and the rejoinder and then back and forth for how long until hell freezes over?
GEEZ.
Does anyone really want to engage this way? And don't forget, generally one is juggling several people at the same time. Don't ask. I have learned to do excel just so I can keep everyone straight. NO KIDDING!!!

I have found that there are men and probably women who think that this is not a conversation but an interrogation. To whit, this man with whom I had just "connected"found out that I was in the fashion industry.  He peppered me with I don't know how many questions about men's fashion: pants legs, width of ties etc. Who in hell cares but apparently, he does.  
At first, I really, really did try to be polite. By the 10th question, I was hello, are you Perry Mason or the D.A.? BASTA!!! He persisted but interestingly, didn't answer any of my questions. Whatever. To those who are unfamiliar with the vagaries of the fashion world; if one is in women's fashion, good shot we know not much about men's fashion. 

***to the young people who read this post, Perry Mason was a famous TV attorney who never lost a case and had a way of hammering out his questions, that the "guilty" party would immediately confess to his crime.

Sooo, in my lexicon of dating, there should be not too much back and forth on the site. Just a few emails are more than enough to determine if there is some kind of spark/connection whatever you want to call it.

****connection: who pray tell, now that I am in a Shakespearean mode, decided to choose this very word: connection as what happens when 2 people "like" one another. When I was a much younger person, my "connection" was the person from whom my friends and I  bought our weed. You get my meaning. 

I digress which as you know is a habit of mine. Sooo, you finally get to the point or if you're me you push the point and say, in an oh so nice and sweet way, if you are interested in me, call me, if not then move on down the road. 

We've covered the awkward phone calls but many are not awkward and quite pleasant and hopefully, from there perhaps, a date will eventually happen, 

However, there is a big HOWEVER, we get the people who are text people. OK, I get that, why talk and hear a human voice when you can just communicate tapping your finger on a keyboard. So personal, right? 
Now, from this kind of interchange, one can actually get acquainted with one another and hate to admit it is sometimes better than the uh, er, but, ugh phone convo that never ends.

OK, all you bright people who are reading this, how many texts does it take to make a date?? and NO, this is not one of those knock, knock jokes about how many people it takes to screw in a light bulb?

Seriously, we are all busy people. And maybe because I'm a "closer" by trade, I want to end the operetta and make the deal. You like me, I like you, let's meet. Sounds easy, well, not so much.

In the last several years, I have had 2 now, 3 men who endlessly texted and texted and TEXTED! One with whom I had an  actual conversation couldn't seem to get passed the texting thing. Why, because there's traffic coming into the city. NOT KIDDING!!!! 
Then why was he talking to me? I live in the city.

BTW, the actual  phone convo with dear Edward was fabulous. He was smart and so damned funny but that was it. No date no nothing just a constant barrage of texts. When I told him politely to poo poo or get off the pot,  he continued to text me and to opine about what a great time we would have. 
Finally, and it pained me to do same, as he was a nice man albeit very bitter, I had to explain to him that yes, nice guy and YES, I would have liked to meet him but 1 year of on and off texting was grating on my nerves. 
He stopped never having asked me for date 1. Actually, not true. He did ask me out twice but literally 15 minutes before he wanted to pick me up. And I would have gone but both times I had plans.  Oh, and he did want me to go on his boat. Mind you, I love boats but going out on a boat with someone whom I have never met. NOT!!
 He took great umbrage at that and accused me of being not interested in meeting him. No rejoinder for that kind of cup of cuckoo. 
Au revoir, Edward. Every once in awhile, I do get a text from him.  Maybe, we would have never been a "couple" but we could have been friends but not "text" friends. This was not the 4th grade when we were all pen pals with kids from Australia or wherever...Been there and done that. 

2nd guy, darling Hal. Hal and I quickly dispensed with the site operetta and proceeded to text mode. We actually talked relatively early on but then he disappeared for months. We will talk about ghosting at another time. After months, he texted like he had been gone for 3 days. I decided to take the high road but this behavior continued. Finally, as above, I said let's meet or let's not but genug(same as basta but yiddish) with the texts.

We met  and had a nice date. Great convo and lots of laughs. Ok, it wasn't perfect and he was a little too handsy for me but all in all,  good date. We had dinner in hell's kitchen and guess where he lived? Yes, CORRECT, he lived just a few blocks away from the restaurant and in spite of a really hard sell, I was not going home with him. He did almost find my vestigial tonsil with his tongue but I disengaged from him and got in my uber and went home. Once again, Hal disappeared. This time it made some sense since I had "rejected" him. Months later he appeared but never asked me out again and quite frankly, I wasn't interested. I just didn't want to be a bitch and tell him to stop texting. Eventually, it came to that, not the bitch part but the please don't text me anymore part. He persisted and I finally blocked him.  Enough is enough.

Lastly, there's the latest in this string of "texters" who also, went into rhyme and verse about what a great couple we would make and how I was this that and the other fabulous thing. Yes, ladies, we all like to be complimented but this was gratuitous BS and I was getting close to my wall. One night, he texted a picture of the view from his window and said wouldn't it be nice for me to come over and have a glass of wine with him. Now, if I had actually even met him even once, I may have gone over to his apartment but I wasn't rocking running to midtown east to a stranger's house. 

I finally told him as above, if you like me and you want to meet me,  LMK when you want to meet. Glad I didn't hold my breath waiting for him to contact me.

What I don't get is what's the point of the never ending texting without meeting? Is this 21st century foreplay or a form of mental masturbation? I have no idea and guess what don't want to know. All I know is it doesn't do it for me. 

The takeaway: we all have our limits and what works and it's distinctly individual but if you have some guy who only seems to be interested in texting, tell him your fingers are tired and you're out.

Trust me, it  saves a lot of time better spent doing something fun or possibly meeting someone in 3D. 
:)




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