Great date, wasn't it?

We all know that it takes a huge effort and the  girding of  ones loins to not only get ready for  a first date but just going on that first date. 

BTW, I looked up "girding one's loins" and it does not appear to be a male centric thing to do. Do women have loins? No one says that expression anymore much less write it but I don't care. It fits here. What it loosely means is getting ready for a confrontation. Confrontation not in the negative sense but more like lights,camera and it's show time and that takes work and guts! Hard to not only be drop dead enticing but charming and brilliant. GEEZ!!!! What am I superwoman? of course, I am and so are all of you. 

OK, OK, I may be exaggerating but think about it. You've already "shopped" on the sites and picked a few candidates or perhaps, you have been chosen. Whatever it is, there's the whole doo doo dance leading up to the first date. 

Whether the woman asks or the man asks it's an operetta. Now, I have gone into coffee dates and won't bore you with my perception of them. They suck and no good comes from coffee. Just saying. Then again, if you like to sit amongst screeching children, go with God and enjoy your Starbucks and I'll send a wedding gift.

BTW, I don't drink coffee but my aversion to  the "coffee" date is borne from some first class lousy dates and the belief that the guy has 2 or 3 after that first coffee date. 

I would rather someone take me for a walk in the park or along the river and then take me for a drink or start out with the very simple drinks date. That's me and that's what works for me.

Digression, sorry. Having done a lot of research for this blog about what women do and don't do, I can attest that a woman getting ready for a FIRST date does not constitute putting on a pair of jeans from the night before and a crummy tee shirt. 
Jeans are FABULOUS and I have worn jeans on many a date and have looked quite divine but thought, planning, a little liposuction goes into what ultimately goes on my back and often a picture to my youngest daughter to vet the outfit. 

Voila now you're ready to go. Very recently this man who seemed like  a nice guy even if he did try to get me to go over to his apartment for a glass of wine at midnight. That's happening. How about never. 
A for effort D for execution. Listen if someone wants a booty call then call it that and stop dancing around what your intentions are. 

This time he picked a place that was literally tantamount to me going to Guam. Ok, I'm a brat but I believe that the place should be somewhat centrally located for both parties.
I was on a tirade about this and there were other things, too, and I mentioned to a male BFF, who suggested that my "delightful" mood and my lack of interest to travel for an hour meant I should probably cancel. What it really boiled down to after I  thought about it was I was just not that into him and didn't want to waste his time or mine. 
I did cancel and I did genuinely feel not great about doing it but it beat shlepping to east yuhuppetsville for someone who I was not rocking.

Sorry, am here to give voice to what many of us think but just don't say out loud except maybe to our best friends and even then probably not. 

So let's flip this around. You get yourself out in record time having only tried on 3 outfits and didn't dip into lipo but did stuff yourself into spanx that were making it almost impossible to breathe.
You go to a nice wine bar and you are greeted by a GREAT GUY. He looks like his picture, he's charming and smart and wow, isn't that lovely? The date goes on for forever and he doesn't even mind when if you're like me, you are ballsy enough to ask for food rounding on that second drink
You talk, you laugh, you flirt and it is basically a helluva good even a  great first date, It ends with a brief confo about where to go next time.  

He walks you to your uber, gives you a very nice good night kiss and off you both go into the night.

Now, are we crazy to think that this kind of  terrific first date will yield another date? I don't think so. By the way, if the uber is dark enough, I don't know about you but I am writhing in the back seat out of my spanx because my legs are turning numb from lack of circulation. The driver is not paying attention to my apparent insanity because he's seen a lot worse or should i say much much more interesting, wink and double wink. 

My habit is to always send a thank you text as I was not raised by wolves and it's the right thing to do. 

I have to admit, that yes, it shows that I have good manners but it also sets the guy up as the one that has to text back. Boo hiss all you want, it works.

Next day, I am looking at my phone once or twice or 30 times and no text back. Hmmm, maybe he's busy at the office or with his kids. I don't go immediately to armageddon but I do spend some time thinking what to do. Generally, I don't do anything but there have been times, that I have sent that second text. Oh kids, am over  the bullshit games and if I feel compelled to find out what's what I text. What's the worst thing that could happen? An order of protection, hardly. 

By the next day, it is dawning on me that I am being ghosted. Wow, did I read that date wrong?  How did it go from someone kissing my neck to being invisible. I play back the date in my head for a sanity check and then realize that yup, ghosted. 

It happens to the best of us and you know what,  it fortunately doesn't happen too often. The one thing I can't ever quite figure out is why the "oh i had a fabulous date , you gorgeous hunk of woman. not really those words but you get where I'm headed. He's more than entitled to not be that into you so why the BS? 

Takeaway: as irritating and on some level hurtful getting ghosted is, it's a fact of the world we live in and the on line dating thing. Just like us, he's shopping and apparently, a better flavor came along, perhaps, even that very night. Good shot, he's going to do it to lots of women because he's just not a good guy. 

What you should think is that you're fabulous and this dumb bastard has no idea what he's missed out on. 

The other more important thing is F him and don't ever let getting ghosted  make you feel less fabulous then you are. 

The good guys are  out there ladies and you will find one. You just have to  have faith, perseverance, a good plastic surgeon, some great spanx , some good spackel for your face and some good old moxie. 


  1. As you said, ghosting is the new reality and we need to deal with it and move on.
    Spanx is also a relatively new reality for me but I just can’t deal with that. I am wearing spanx in one of my favorite photos of myself but I don’t have the courage to do that again.


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