Suddenly Last Summer and other little incidents


Last summer, I was going though a slightly manic spate of dating. 3 maybe even 4 dates in one week. I never do that nor will I ever do it again. I was on a fishing expedition and I was coming up with mostly seaweed and sludge.

Now, if we back up a little this was right around the time that my FWB informed me that there was a new girl in town and we know how positively joyful that  made me. NOT! Wrote not one but two blog posts about that so need to belabor it. 

So being the mature adult that I am and in spite of being emotionally off kilter , I was hell bent on "finding someone" because well, just  because. How about no one puts baby in the corner? Or I was freaked out and didn't want to be alone manufacturing in my head all that I thought I  was missing. Batshit crazy would be an accurate description.

In a very short period of time, I went out on a lot of dates all with seemingly similar people. I had to do a spreadsheet because they all seemed to have the same damn first name and I didn't want to get confused. It seems that the men in our generation are all Robert( I married one of those), Michael, Steven, Richard and Marc. The girls names weren't too original either but I wasn't dating any girls so I didn't have to remember any of those names. 

I am not going to go into all of these dates just a few to illustrate what could only be called dating fou dba N-U-T-S!

Date 1
Got to restaurant late which was inexcusable but I couldn't control a demented boss and the nyc subway system.I apologized profusely and tried to not pay attention to the fact that for sure, my skirt had shrunk while I was wearing it because i was shvitzing like I had been digging ditches. The chairs were those high ones similar to bar stools. It was distinctly unfabulous hoisting myself onto the chair while my skirt was causing my legs to go numb but whatever. I noticed that this man looked nothing like his picture but again, whatever.
This guy was bright and and, and,  uhhh, that's about it. He was angry at the world, wanted to spend the whole night talking about the ex files and I was in no mood. Then again, am never in the mood to talk about the ex files or at least not on a first date. As hard as I tried, he just wouldn't shut up.  i overworked the charm and my face from faux smiling. I then did something about which I am not proud but I couldn't help it. I got up from the table  and said thank you so much for ruining my evening, tossed some money on the table and stomped out. Holy shizz nuts. Then again, it beat banging a bottle of wine over his head. I walked over 30 blocks home in blistering heat. All good compared tob eing in a nice restaurant with the last angry man or one of the last angry men. 

Date 2 or 4 or whatever
I asked this guy to meet me near my house because he was coming from NJ. I figured that it would  be easier for him. He was late but no one said driving into the city from jersey was any day at the beach. I sat at the bar and ordered a glass of my favorite red and played with my phone.  A man similarly engaged was sitting next to me. He started chatting and we struck up a lively conversation. That's what it was not a pick up,  a CONVERSATION. I know the difference. Clearly, we were both in the same position. Waiting for the date that's late. Sort of like waiting for Godot but in Waiting for Godot, Godot never showed up. In this modern day set piece, my date showed up, SIGH

What a bargain he was. It's a small intimate place so I saw him immediately and waved him over with a big smile planted on my face. He greeted me with hi, so sorry for being late. NOPE,  that's fantasy island, he bellowed oh, you're picking up someone while you're waiting for me. OH GOODIE,  this was going to be something else. We sat down and no sooner did my derriere meet the chair, he pronounced this had been the worst year of his life.  We were only in August, but let's not quibble. For a nanosecond, I thought something awful had happened but nope, he was on a rampage about his ex. 
Was  I on date #1? I gulped my drink down and bolted out of the restaurant only to turn around to find this putz on my tail. He just couldn't understand why I left. In very simple, plain and non nasty language, I said I was out to have a good time not to hear someone's tale of woe on the first date. It was unseemly, made me uncomfortable and I didn't want to be there. And off I went to the my nice, cool and peaceful apartment. Now Eli was damned happy to see me and he said nothing about his ex.

lastly date 5,6 or 10
This guy was super nice on the phone and I was looking forward to meeting him. I was starting to feel like a semblance of my "normal" self. We were meeting at a charming wine bar near lincoln center. I was early. YIPPEE. He came in shortly afterwards. He also whined a little bit but then he just talked and talked and talked about his music, his kids etc. I was Ok,  fine, not a deal breaker. Maybe he was nervous. We sat talking or should I say he talked and  I sort of listened. All of a sudden he jumped up and said,  I have to go, hope you don't mind, I double booked myself. It was so abrupt and so RUDE, I didn't have a chance to say anything not that he would have heard me as he was out the door. I sat there thinking was it something I said? Wait, i hadn't said anything that i could remember other than hello. I looked around and thought, hell, am hungry so I ordered a salad and another glass of wine and enjoyed a nice dinner. The best part of the evening was that he stuck me with the whole check. Lovely, but quite frankly, it was totally fine as all he had was a glass of wine. That was the least of this guy's problems with manners.

I cabbed home and opened my laptop and deleted myself from the dating sites. This wasn't just the guys whom I was meeting, it was also me and I was smart enough to back it up and take a breather. 

The takeaway: THIS NEVER HAPPENS USUALLY so don't freak out. Yes, you may go on a date with a putz but most of the men you will meet and whom I've met have been nice and even more than nice. I knew it was time to pull it up and reassess which is exactly what I did. I didn't take too long of a break but enough to take a chill and breathe. It worked because shortly thereafter, I met a very nice man, whom I dated for several months.  We didn't stick for long but it was lovely. The best part of it all was my head was screwed back on and my motivation wasn't the "beat the clock" thing I had going that summer. PHEW


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