Will you know it's him?
I was watching The Affair, I know again with The Affair, am obsessed. Anyway, the cuckolded wife is talking to a man and she said dating is just an interview for sex. I cracked up as I have always referred to first dates as job interviews with cocktails. Not exactly a home run but close.
What are your thoughts? Mine: is that all there is?
I have to keep thinking that there is a light at the end of the dating tunnel and Mr. whomever is at the end of it.
Sometimes, you have to be a Margaret Mead type, keep digging until you excavate, "the one" or a reasonable facsimile thereof.
BTW, don't wear overalls on the second date even if you adapt this mindset. There is nothing fabulous on any level about overalls unless you're 4.
Then again, whom am I kidding ? Sometimes a date is an interview for sex. There's nothing wrong with that if you are so inclined. Why the hell not? At this point, the "rules" have hopefully, been discarded long ago. Now, as grown women of a certain age, we follow what we want to do as long as no one gets hurts. At 60 f'in whatever or even 50 f in whatever, we march to our own freaking drummer or at least we should be. Those not marching in your own direction, snap to it.
If there are those of you, who still have that rule book clenched in your white knuckled hands, it's time to let it go and burn it. NO kidding. Forget that your mother told you 100 years ago, that if you slept with a boy, you would get a reputation? As a bratty 16 year old, I toyed with asking my mother what a "reputation: actually meant. I never did ask. Too scared. Did anyone ever believe that reputation hooey? I know I did when I was 16. GEEZ! Fortunately, I moved on. Ya think?
The question that has been in my head is if THE NICE GUY walked into your life, would you see him? Now, don't be literal and think that I am referring to your actual myopia. Ladies, PUHLEEZE!
I am talking about do you have an ability to discern the good from the not so good to the great or the 51% or whatever your criteria are? Literally, if he walked into your life, will you know it's " him"? Ok, no one's walking "into your life' as life is not a movie set. Too bad, reality MEH! Fantasies are us. Hopefully, we will not go out of business like the store similarly named before we fulfill at least some of our fantasies. If you have none, check your pulse and think of some and work hard to make at least a few of them happen. It's good for you.
Fantasies are not all sexual as many can be romantic like the guy who comes in grabs you in a clinch and plants a fabulous kiss? The reality of that clinch, well the reality for me is that I would have do double PT but damn, it would be worth it.
***Sidebar: Recently, a man whom I have been dating on and off for awhile asked me to fulfill one of his fantasies. What? He wanted me to come to his apartment dressed in only a raincoat?
My reaction was get on that raincoat and get an uber before he falls asleep.
The funniest part was the reaction of my hovercraft doorman. He looked at me and then looked again. Where in hell was I running at 10pm in a raincoat on a warm night with not a raindrop in site? Of course, I came back home in clothing. My doorman fell off of his stool as I walked into the lobby. LOLOL. Serves him right for minding my business instead of holding the door. My fantasy fellow was a happy camper to be scratching that one off of his bucket list and I had fun helping him scratch.
That was for "comic relief" as I have a confession which is hard to admit. I am not sure that I would know him.
Am I a dummy, hardly? Am I commitment phobic? Maybe. Am I scared to fall for someone and get burned, sure but I have come to realize and yes, I hear you screaming it's about freaking time, that if you allow fear to be your guiding force, you are going to miss out.
Have I let some great ones go? Yes, for sure. Why not sure. At the time, am positive I had a laundry list of BS reasons to blow him off. That was then and this is NOW!
The other thing is are we so obsessed with our laundry list of must haves that we forget to pay attention to the very charming man talking to us? I've discarded my list almost entirely. There are certain things I do hold onto: he can't be living with mommy and I mean the 59 year old guy who has never not lived with mommy, he must have a purpose to his day which cannot be watching MSNBC interspersed with football all day and most importantly, he still has to have a thirst for adventure and have that childlike wonderment about the world around us. If he doesn't make me laugh or worse, doesn't laugh at my stellar witty repartee, then be gone with him.
Realistic, hmm, I guess so and it's about damned time and am I glad that I got here.
The takeaway: be open and yah, I know it's not easy but try it. You never know that guy who just sat down next to you on the subway with the scruffy facial hair(still my cole obsession) and a twinkle in his eye could be your beshert and for those not familiar that means the person you were meant to be with. Beshert sounds better.