Are you dating 1, are you dating 2, are you dating 3?....


Reality: most of us are on one or more dating sites. Why? The possibility of a cup of cuckoo can be elicited on just one site but why not compound it and really  make yourself nuts and go on a few? Safety in numbers and all that. 

So you're on the apps/sites for more than an hour and you're getting hits from several men. Now, does one go out on a date one by one by one? Yes, for sure. Ok, let's take off the polyanna coat and admit that of course, we've all dated more than one man at a time. Hell, my kids used to call me the queen of first dates. OY double vey. Not exactly how I want to be known but if I blabber about my life, I deserve the sobriquet!! 

First, let's qualify what a date is. You meet for a drink and yes, we've gone over this, one drink is generally just one drink and am not going to get started on that tirade, I promise. Basically, as my ever intrepid dating maven says first date is a meet and greet. 

Ok, I'll buy into that as truly, he's right. It's sort of like dogs getting to know one another without the nose in tush part. Oh laugh, it's funny. 
So, if you go on a few of those in one week or 2 or even 3 weeks, aside from feeling bloated from the cheap wine and exhausted, chances are you've come across a few who look like possible keepers.  Now, you have not invested terribly much time or psychic energy on any of these fellas yet. 

Of course, am not counting the angst about what to wear etc. We're above all that, YEAH, RIGHT,  tell me you don't stress about the outfit and I've got 2 bridges in brooklyn, that I would be happy to unload. All of us want to look good and that means we rip through our closets like lunatics to come up with the most fabulous thing to wear. And if you're not putting your 'best foot forward", do yourself and him a huge favor and stay home and yes, I'm talking about more than just the outfit. 

Now, what's the big deal about "dating" more than one person at a time? Well, it can be god damned confusing. Was Marc from match or bumble and was the other Mark from jdate? I do a very primitive spread sheet so I don't embarass myself which i have done many times. Whatever. BTW, have you noticed that everyone seems to have the same 5 or 6 names? Marc, Robert, Richard, Steven, David,  Bill so put that into the mix and you are really going to be ferklempt!

These dates are mostly casual encounters and often, not because they aren't nice men, they sort of blend into one another.

Ok, so you've gone through a spate of first dates which is enough to  mostly make one want to gag but let's move throught that. You've narrowed down the crew to one or two or even 3, stop tutting,  and they're nice, very nice.  One of them could be the ONE. OMG, did i really write that? Yup, I'll cop to it.

So, now do we stick to the 2 or 3 for awhile. OF COURSE, WE DO. Stop TUTTING AGAIN, this is truth and verifiable, sixty has her sources. Why not freelance until you figure out who's the one for you?
MORE REALITY: Yes, men and women both do this. YUP, we can't blame them as we are on the multiple person dating-go-round just as much if not more than they are. Go figure. Picture a carousel that can possiblby be going too fast or just the right speed. Depends on your flavor, really. 
Now, is this a good idea or is it bound to cause more hurt and aggravation than enjoyment and a possible connection? If you are commitment phobic, this is the perfect solution but hello, if you're still commitment phobic at this age, then what's your plan and yes, I'm asking myself the same question. Do we ever get passed 8th grade? 
If you throw sex into the mix then things can and do get complicated. Yes, sex is fun and there are no rules about who you're cha cha chaing with but more than one? Hmmmm, there's the rub.
Until you sleep with someone, you are just hanging out and getting to know one another. Sex is part of getting to know one another but perhaps, you're not so sure so you possibly dabble in playing the rock around the bedroom with more than one guy. Sex ALWAYS COMPLICATES THINGS so if you decide to do the horizontal cha cha with more than one person, buyer beware. It more often than not ends badly. Then again, maybe not for you. 
In my much, much younger years, I tried it and even then loosey goosey me, got scorched enough to never want to do it again almost 40 years later. 
Now, was I the campus mattress, hardly, but 2 at a time and no, NOT A 3-WAY but 2 guys with whom you are intimate at separate times.  NOT SO GOOD. Guess what happens? More often than not, you get dumped as you just can't keep all the balls in the air, figuratively and literally, wink wink.  
Moving back to THE PRESENT: sleeping with 2 men at the same time...how about no f'in way. That takes freelancing into dangerous territory. Plus, how stunning it must be to be in the throes of passion or reasonable facsimilie thereof at this age and you call the guy the wrong name or even worse he calls you the wrong name. Screech, stop, you're running out of there,!!. Either you're horrifed that you made such a huge faux pas or you're freaking out that hell, he's doing the same thing that I'm doing. Some nerve.
BTW, do you share this information with guy 1 about guy 2? That's up to you. Am a big fan of not revealing too much, however, and this is the big however, if someone is starting to fall for you and it's reciprocal, it's not just time to tell one another that you've been freelancing but maybe it's time to stop doing same. Again a chacun a son gout!!
BIG QUESTION: Is monogamy for everyone? Of course, it isn't! Don't get me started on those who identify themselves as polyamorous. That's just a big word for am here and i can stil do it and i want to screw around. Go with God, darling, but count me out. 
Here's the big one: to me a relationship is with one person at a time. It's not with a crew. If you find yourself with someone who disagrees with that and you want to be monagmous, he ain't changing so run don't walk away from him no matter how terrific he may seem.  HE'S NOT FOR  YOU, period end of discussion. love that expression oarticularly in this context. 
We are all looking for that illusive connection. For some, that connection can be with more than one person at a time. I scream bullshit on that but that's my right. Yup,sixty is vanilla and  judemental on this point so if I sense that the guy whom I am now crazy about is not driving on the same side of the road with me, then, am out. 
Was this an easy conclusion to come to? ABSOFINLUTELY not. It's taken a lot of soul searching to realize that I value myself and deserve that one special guy who is my guy as I am his girl. Sorry for the 8th grade parlance but it fits in this context.
Takeaway: if you can keep several "romantic" relationships going and can juggle all those balls in the air simulaneously, go with God, make sure he wears a condom (just saying) and enjoy. 
For those that want to be in a relationship with JUST one person, GO FOR IT. 
Just know your own mind and follow your instincts and don't EVER settle for somone else's sloppy seconds unless you want them.  just saying

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