My BFF, my date and me


There aren’t many women who are in long term marriages or reasonable facsimiles thereof, who have not said in awe and a tad bit of envy, how great it must be to date. Adventure, fun, great sex and etc. 

Generally, I answer with the WTF are you crazy? I get that being with the same person for decades can get old but the flip side, well, we know the flip side has some advantages but can also, be a downright pain in the tush.

On one particular, winey night, as in drinking wine not bitching, I turned to my bff and said so you think you want to come on a date with me. She looked aghast as she thought that I was actually asking her on a date with me to which I replied, no, darling, I love you but...

I had recently gone down the app path and put  myself on bumble. Something was very enticing about the reverse beauty contest. BTW, it is but it isn't but I'll get to that. She said sure, she would go.

The next morning, bright and early which for Sixty is 11,  we got down to it and looked at Bumble and who they matched me with. Now, wherever you go, it tracks you so if I'm out on long island or like a month ago, in Tel Aviv, I'm going to get guys from that area.

There have been times when I have not been here in NYC, where I have gone on and thought, hell, maybe my mr.mr. is going to miraculously appear in some strange city. It's tempting, really tempting and since I am the queen of magical thinking, I figured a girl can daydream,  right???

Looking at the guys is downright fun when you are doing it with your BFF. We ogled the cuties and yes, there were cuties, who also, sounded in their little bios like legit nice guys. We gagged at the ones who wanted just a F--- buddy or the ones with no image as we know or at least I know that they're married.

So I got 2 guys straightaway who bought into me, my friend and him. They were actually titillated by the concept of 2 women. Interestingly, I gave some random story that my friend was writing a book, fiction of course, and this was research and they bought it.

And of course, do any of you know a man who would turn his back on even the remotest possibility of a 3-way with 2 women?  If he has a pulse, this fantasy has been in his head since puberty.

BTW, the thing that throws me about bumble is that the woman always has to do the first shout out as in written word. On the match etc's, either one of you can reach out and be rejected. just kidding but not really......

Backing up before the 2 dates set-up, we did the doo doo dance of cutesy banter which  generally, I have no patience for but  did more than my usual share because she was having fun and hell, why not? Anyway, there were a few that were just too eager, a few too horny and a few, meh. Finally, we got the 2 nice guys.

I must admit that part of me was thinking what took  me so long to cook something like this up and maybe this would be my way to crack the code. Who knows?

Date UNO
Stephen and yes, don't get crazy, I have changed the names. He came into the bar looking like he had gotten off a freighter from Guam. Ok, I don't expect a tuxedo at a local bar but hello, an earlier meal on his polo was a little gagalicious. I tried to tamp down that critical little voice as maybe, he didn't have time to go home to change. After 30 minutes of his monologue, I had forgotten if either my friend or I had said much more than hello. Overall impression, a little bit of a DB. My girlfriend not having had a date in 30 years, finally managed to get in a few words of conversation and I mutely, yup, me silent, watched and listened and and realized that my first impression that he was  a putz was correct. He continued on confirming the putz factor so we were out of there. Almost always, I send a thank you text and then if the guy is not right, gently say, we're not a match, you're a nice guy  and good luck. Stephen got a terse TKS and that was it.
The bff was in my corner on this one and even mentioned the shmutzy shirt. Yay, so I'm not that picayune.

Date Dos
Now this guy was funny as hell and not hard on the eyes. Had the bluest eyes and usually am a sucker for blue eyed men but this time, not a flutter but... What turned me off is that he was all over me like a cheap suit as in "handsy". Now, no prude here, as you know, but practically climbing on my lap was ugh. Maybe he was nervous or maybe he was a jerk but he was funny and thought i was brilliantly clever. All good but... I blurted out that we should go get some dinner and suggested pizza. Pizza not the daintiest food in the world. He chilled once we hit the pizza and I enjoyed his company but the big but was he was funny FUNNY but there was NO SPARK at least not on my side  and I really wanted that spark but for whatever reason, it just wasn't there. My conclusion was nice guy, not for me and maybe we could be friends.

BFF was in agreement.

So what's the takeaway??? What do you think??

A putz is a putz is a putz. If he starts out that way and that's what you think, good shot not changing.

Having a friend along was validating as she agreed with my assessments and actually came to them before I did. Interesting when someone knows you so well, they know what works for you and what doesn't even before it dawned on you.

Clever repartee doesn't necessarily mean sparks are flying. Without some sparks initially, what's going to be down the road? I'll pass.

Pizza not great first date material. It's hard to look stunning stuffing pizza in your mouth. It just is.

Lastly, some men are just in it for sex and some women are, too. If you're both on the same page, then go for it but if not, NOT!

So ladies, try dating with your friend. It will be a combination of fun and weird at the same time and it will certainly be an experience.

Gather those rosebuds.











Comments

  1. Bumble does require the woman to send the first written message but it does provide her with a way to get the man to confirm his interest before she does send that message. Without an initial message from the woman the match expires in 24 hours unless the man uses his once a day option for a 24 hour extension. The woman can let the clock run down in order to see if the man is willing to use his one time extension on her. If it gets down to the last minute and she doesn’t want the match to expire she still can send a last second message saying something that still requires the man to initiate a back and forth conversation; like “I like the style of your glasses”.

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