tales of dating at 60 plus

Dating Facts and Fiction

How many times have we heard our married friends complaining about their spouses? Too many to count but can you imagine if any of these complainers had to navigate the dating waters dba swimming with sharks or swimming upstream with the salmon. Holy shizz nuts, they wouldn't know what hit them. 

Dating is tricky to get right. What's right? "Right" is ultimately hanging up one's dating dancing shoes because you have found that hopefuly, forever dancing partner. What do I know? More than most and less than others as I've loved and lost and had my heart broken and broken a few hearts and yet, I continue. Why, the desire for that illusive connection and the belief that as that wise, brilliant philosopher of life, my father used to say, " every pot has its lid" or even better, "for every girl monkey there's a boy monkey". Now, close your eyes and conjure those things being said to you and you wonder why I'm a little touched but seriously, he did have something there even if it was not the most poetic way to say it. 

Dating and the hoped for consequence, love, are tricky. You know sixty likes to reference her favorite movies and some select TV shows for quasi dating advice. When Rhett Butler told that gorgeous narcissist, Scarlet O'Hara, that she loved him and his retort was "frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." What did he say? Aside from scandalizing the censors in 1939 Hollywood by using the word damn, he left every woman in the theaters aghast and the men were giving him that proverbial " atta boy, you finally woke up. 

Rhett had hit his wall in today's vernacular and had lost his taste for a woman who had busted his cojones and broken his heart one too many times so... and this was a movie but there was a lesson to be learned. 

I figured after all the books that we have all read, why not see if any of these could offer something we could learn from or at least give us something to think about other than, s---, another saturday night, and no date.

John Updike: "It is easy to love people in memory; the hard thing is to  love them when they are there in front of you." 

  Sixty:  Ain't that the truth? Dammit, now he loves me and am like meh, is that all there is? You know what, that reaction is based on fear of letting go and allowing someone into your heart. You'll be stuck in neutral forever if you can't get passed your terror and trust me, I've danced this dance and have finally learned or at least I hope that I have. 

Joyce Carol Oates: "In love there are two things--bodies and words."

  

  Sixty: Joycie, you cut right to the heart of things now didn't you?  The bodies part is the physical part of the relationship, the chemistry or the za za za zhou and then it's getting passed the basics and truly letting that person know you and I don't mean seeing you naked with stadium lighting. Get my drift? 

Philip Roth: "The only obsession everyone wants: "Love". People thing that in falling in love they make themselves whole. The Platonic union of souls? I think otherwise, I think you're whole before you begin. And the love fractures you. You're whole and then, you're cracked open."

  Sixty: Philip, tatela, you said a mouthful there and not entirely incorrect, however, not entirely there there either. There is some truth but sheesh pessimistic much? We start a relationship with 2 "whole" individuals. When we couple, and I don't mean sex, although that's part of it, the idea is to become part of each other's lives and to make a life together but to NEVER EVER give up our own autonomy. The "cracked open" part is allowing oneself to really fall hard and risk getting hurt which does feel slightly like being cracked open or slapped upside of the head. Take your pick. Neither feels great but...the alternative is????

Alice Walker “I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart:  

  Sixty: Alice, my dear woman, where have you been all my life? So there and so simple so why in hell can't we all think like this very wise woman? Because we're all different, duh and we all deal with life experiences differently but take a lesson as I sure as hell am. And geez, stop thinking or over thinking and analyzing. Trying to apply logic to the illogical is never a plan. 

  

So what has this little literary lesson taught us if anything other than the fact that sixty is a reader of many volumes. 

"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" Alfred Lord Tennyson

In other words, it can all be worth it. That's not to say that the dating doo doo dance is any great joy but it could lead to something wonderful or lousy but you'll never know unless you try. Just saying!!