Weddings...what's the verdict
No, I am not talking about getting married. I have no desire to opine about that topic at this moment. Another time, actually, am sure that I have mentioned it in passing on several occassions but not today.
Am talking about WEDDINGS, other people's weddings. Weddings are a lovely time to celebrate good things which weddings are. Now that I got that being nice part out of the way, I have a question. What do you do if you're invited to a wedding and you do not have a date? You cannot tell me that you haven't wanted to tick off the no part of the response card. just saying.
Ok, yes, this is not the senior prom where going dateless is social suicide, am talking about now getting invited to a wedding and having to go alone.
Now before you start disbelieving what you're reading, please remember that sixty has no issue going anywhere alone but the wedding thing, hmmm....Of course, as I wrote about ages ago, I had the local yentas in my former suburban town all with their pantiess aflutter wondering who I was taking to my daughter's wedding. LOL, that thought never entered my mind as there was no one important in my life so taking a virtual stranger to my child's wedding. HOW'S ABOUT NOT? Talking about a buzz kill on steroids.
Ok, so we're not talking about our children's weddings. If you do indeed NEED to have a date for your child's wedding or perish, do what you have to do to get that date. No judgement other than why in hell would you do that but to each his own.
Last time, I went to a big shmaltzy wedding alone, it was not the best experience. Yes, the bride and the groom were darling and I kvelled along with my friend on this wonderful occasion but...
I have consulted my team of experts: my immediate single female posse and their friends. Now, I can make my own party anywhere and have been known to dance by myself at a wedding, with my kids, with the old ladies or old men but sitting there during a slow song, it's vomitus and I along with many women I asked don't want to do it and some find it down right depressing.
I'm actually a little appalled at these feelings as it sounds so not me on so many levels. We all can do anything alone and yes, yes some things are better with an SO especially sex, then again, maybe not so much but I divert. Of course, I do. wink wink.
As I parsed out the responses from my friends and their friends when I asked this question, what was apparent is that there is a visceral reaction to hearing some random band playing a poor sinatra cover and watching the world getting up to dance and you're not up there with them. From what I have felt and what my experts have told me, one feels left out like the proverbial kid with her face pressed against the glass watching others having a good time.
Now having a loving partner would be lovely but I don't pine away in my house wearing a torn tee shirt like a latter day Ms Haversham waiting for my Mr Right to come along or in her case the guy who left her at the alter. Ok, I admit it i have many torn tees in the wardrobe but they are not for pining but for chilling. Big diff. I don't know why that came out but it did and am leaving it for background. wink wink!
The last wedding to which I went was a friend's, who was facing a serious health crisis and speeded up the actual wedding ceremony. It was a very small event with ceremony, champagne, well wishes and done. I was thrilled to have been included and there was no pang because it wasn't that kind of experience. MOST IMPORTANTLY, it really was very special to see just how in love they were/are. Now, did i feel just a little jealous that she had found this fabulous guy, of course, I did. I know awful horrible etc. PUHLEEZE
If you don't admit feeling envious to yourself, you're either in a delusionary state or you just can't admit the dirty little secret which really isn't a dirty little secret at all but just a part of the human condition or you're perfect.
That in no way means that we are not thrilled to pieces for our friends but there is that nagging feeling...Go ahead, lose your inhibitions about admitting this to yourself. It's actually very liberating and you can move on from there.
I admitted to another single girlfriend recently, that unless it's family wedding where i know everyone, I really don't want to go to the big event weddings without a date. UGH, who am I but truth is truth!
Was just invited to a wedding that is going to be an extravaganza on every level. I am going because it's the daughter of one my oldest friends and I really want to be there to share her joy and to see the dog and pony show.
Ugh, says I when the invite came so I called my bff of the male species and asked him if he would come with me. Well, if i really wanted to be honest, I would say I more than asked but whatever. I promised that it would be very different from the usual garden variety big wedding and he said sure and I said phew. YAY!!! big baby, am i. lol
Next wedding on my books is a close member of my family and I am delighted to go of course, but have to admit a date would be a nice accessory sort of like what the pashmina was when they were real. Only kidding but not really. The fabulous thing about this wedding is that there will be no sitting out dances as I know all the single guys for 40+ years and we all have a great time like we did at the last wedding but a date would be nice.
The ironic thing about all of this is that the last wedding I went to with a boyfriend, I did have a terrific time but spent most of the evening not with the bf becuase we had a tiff that i started because of something stupid and he was less than happy with me. oh well, so there you go.
As I have intimated to the great out there, have been in a self induced dating cul de sac for awhile but have slowly come out of it and feeling great and what better way to get motivated than to have a goal like having a date for this very special family wedding?
Ok, stop laughing, I mean it. Now, I am not taking some guy I went out with 2 times for singular drinks but someone whom I am actually dating for some time. So geez. sixty pedal to the metal as the wedding is in the summer. BTW, weddings of this caliber cost a blooody fortune and I would never have the bad taste to ask someone to pay for a stranger. UGH! I have manners, you know!!!
What's the takeaway? We all have our personal "Achilles heels" if you will. Does that mean I will never go to a wedding alone again? Of course, it doesn't but I have to acknowledge these feelings because they're real.
On a less than serious note, I am going to look drop dead to die for gorgeous at this family wedding just because, whether I go with date or not. Why because that's how I roll. I like to put a party dress on and have my face pasted together by an expert and rock on. At the last family wedding, us oldsters dated up, married up or alone were the last to leave the dance floor as we were busy celebrating the fabulous couple and having fun!!!!