Online dating profiles: Real or Electrolux??
One of the few benefits of being stuck in the house sick is that I no longer could make excuses about finally putting up my match profile. After all, I was sick, why not make myself sicker or should I say queasy. With that said, I did the old corkscrew to the chair thing with the timer on thereby giving myself structure and an inability to move. Fertile ground for profile writing: feeling trapped. Delightful.
Now first question that begs to be answered was why didn't I still have a match profile and why couldn't I spruce that one up? Well...apparently, when Sixty took her profile down from the site, she figuratively torched it. Ditto jdate and that sterlingly fabulous site OK Cupid. Yes, I was on bumble but the profiles on the apps are very different so cutting and pasting wasn't an option. UGH
Anyway, before I started to pull my profile together, I decided to look at some men's profiles.
What do men want? Often, the answer is SUPERWOMEN. That must of course be because they are supermen. And the doo doo gets deeper.
Honestly, I'm afraid some of these profiles are truly like stepping through the looking glass like Alice did and without the drugs.
MEN: they're all slender or buffed, according to what they say. Then you look at their profile pix and guess what, they are anything but the 2 aforementioned body types. Certainly not a deal breaker but do they not think that one is going to notice the difference? Clearly, not.
Of course, that also, includes the assortment of images that date back to 1989. Again, the disconnect but whatever.
Many of these men are clearly super human. They are 60ish, probably older but I can't address that as we know I play fast and loose with the age thing. They have incredibly successful careers,terrific, accomplished kids, have traveled the world over, live in fabulous apartments or houses, have no baggage and one of my favorites is the amount of physical activity that they proclaim that they do in any given day. PUHLEEZE!!! And lastly, their prowess in the bedroom is often mentioned. I was taught if one has to opine to the world about how fabulous one is or how much one has, the opposite is often true.
+++sidebar: I have a very dear male friend who is also, someone I dated who does indeed do extraordinary physical activites without being physically hobbled by same. His skills at the horizontal cha cha are legendary. Oh and, yes, he's 70.
Now if you are a woman of a certain age and you've been dating, you know that yes, there are men out there that are good lovers and bring a lot to the table or should I say bed. Although, tables can be fun but at this age, someone's back, knee etc is bound to go out. TRUTH AND REAL!
On the flip side, there's the gentlemen who let's put it midly, have bedroom issues. Ok, happens to the best of them but it often becomes the woman's fault. Say what? Now if someone is a miserable harpy, sure, the guy may be a little intimidated but if you're a non crazy and certainly non emasculating woman, how in hell does his dysfunction become your issue? And yes, they're are those who need the aid of the little blue pill but guess what, sometimes they don't work. OY
Now the best part of profile shopping for research and development, of course, is reading what these very same men want in their partner.
Young, of course, not young as in 20 something but one does find the 65 year old men with 35-55 as the age parameters acceptable for their future SO. Let's do a reality check right now: what in hell is a 65 year old man going to have in common with a woman 30 years younger than he but that doesn't seem to matter.
What doesn't factor into their brains is that the 35 year old woman who dates a 60 something is looking for something else and usually it has dollar signs attached to it. AGAIN, TRUTH!!!
On these men's wish list is a woman who is an extraordinary lover, sexy, slender and/or buffed, smart, has money, does 3 or 4 physical activites on a daily basis and oh yes, a fantastic career, which is on line dating parlance, for "am not paying for you". And of course, can whip up a gourmet dinner for a crowd.
Whatever. Is there any reality testing for most of these gentlemen's wish lists; a soupcon or a bissel or NOT SO MUCH.
So after, reading all of this I almost called my handyman to get me out of my corkscrewed chair but I didn't because hello, it was time to put pedal to the metal so to speak. The good thing is that I have a very clearheaded image of just how fabulous I am and also, that I have faults. DUH
For me, I can write about almost anything and other than my age, truth prevails. What would I gain from lying? Now, a little embroidering is ok. What my profile reveals is the "real" me or as real is it's going to get on a profile. Warts and all and far from perfect but still dripping in fabulosity.
I labored over this damn thing for hours. Why it became such an operetta I have no idea. It has nothing to do with meausring up to the other women but more having a little reality testing and realizing that I know I'm fantastic and that I look great and etc but am not 50 and once one is over 60 the dating pool shrinks so I wanted to stand out from the pack and be clever and pithy and dare I say it brilliant? And in true Sixty style, I prevailed magnificently or so I convinced myself.
After doing the profile, I labored for even longer over pictures. Thankfully, since I started this blog I have many images but the snapchat silly ones are not for profiles. And yes, the big online dating no no, is no pictures with anyone else unless they are gorgeous little babies. Well, many of the best images I have are ones which I have taken with my kids. Hells to the no to all who tell me I can't put those up? Rules, the hell with them.
Finally, pictures up, profile polished and am ready to roll and I hesitated. Why? We all know why. It's tough out there and one has to have the skin of an alligator to not get one's feelings hurt but ok, am a big girl, I can handle it. So, after a few days, I finally paid and I was "live".
Guess what, with my new profile brings a subtle change in my attitude. It's not earth shaking but am trying and that's what counts. I'm still not making it a career nor will I but I've shaken the dating cul de sac in which I had found myself. No one puts sixty in the corner but when I do it myself, I have to push push push to get passed it. Mission accomplished.
Now, am live and am on fire. Now some of the fire is from those men who are of no interest to me like the "poly" group. Good luck to them but as loosey goosey as I am that has absolutely ZERO APPEAL plus I failed at sharing in kindergarten and haven't gotten much better. LOL
I've also been contacted by men I've already dated, yup, already dated and the ones whom I know are married. But there are genuinely some nice guys, too. So, am feeling positive and fabulous and ready to rock. And, yes, my spreadsheet is my next job today as otherwise, I can't remember who is who.
TAKEAWAY: It's daunting sometimes to be a single woman of a certain age. What we all have to realize, that yes, it's easier for the men just because but it's no day at the beach for them either. Put your best face forward and if that involves a little more botox or filler, you go, girl. Have fun, have adventures and try not to be afraid of taking risks. and BREATHE, stay in the present and keep on rolling.
And remember, if not now, when?