What is a Date?
When I was in college during the Paleolithic age, there really weren't dates. You met someone rarely in class but more likely in the union or in another person's room where the activity of the moment usually consisted of who brought the weed and how you were going to smoke it.and was there a concert that night?
How did you connect as we so euphemistically and annoyingly put in in today's world? We hung out together and eventually, the hanging out grew into a "thing". I kid you the freak not. Of course, before you really knew you had a "thing" you had already had sex a few times just to make sure you liked it. I have to tell you that I didn't quite know what I was really liking so I sort of played it as it laid. Just saying😏
Thankfully, I have always been a quick study so it didn't take me the whole 4 years in college to figure out what worked and what didn't in the horizontal cha cha department. Thank God!
Anyway, I had 3 of these kinds of "things" in my college days. There was no mention of dates. We travled in packs like wolves from concerts, to class(if we went to class), and of course, back to hanging out. Quite frankly, from this vantage point it sounds beyond boring but then, I thought it was cool and what was bad that I had a thing going with the most good looking guy in our group. Then again, this very same gent had a thing with several of the girls in the group although, not simultaneously. And yes, even after 40 years, I still buy into that magical thinking. Sheesh!
What in hell does it have to do with today and dating? Ok, we all know that Sixty re-upped on match a few weeks ago and it's been interesting which is far better than annoying or worse disgusting but not yet exciting but am optimistic.
I don't wait for the guy to reach out to me. I reach out and yay, if he responds and if not, oh well, NEXT. Now, I have learned my lesson to pay closer attention to the pictures as well as the bios, otherwise, I run the risk of meeting somone for a date whom I have already gone out with. Last Friday was more than enough of that. I guess I should have been a little insulted that Mr. Friday had no recollection of me? Nah, why waste the emotional energy?
Many of these guys are going on 2 dates a day. You do the math. Who could remember anyone? No excuses but fact. BTW, there are women that do multiples in one day and I am not talking about 3 ways.. Am talking about breakfast, lunch and then drinks and/or dinner all with different people.I tried more than one date a few times and it was a huge pain in the tush and so not for me.
So why am I asking what a date is? Clearly, someone asks or you ask for a meet up drink, coffee/ugh or whatever. . So the newest in the wave of matches went back and forth with me and yes, i read his profile and YES, I looked at his pics and NO, I HAVE NOT DATED HIM. He kept asking me if we could meet to see if we are compatible but never mentioning where or when.
What was this going to be a drive by while I wait to be inspected in front of my doormen on riverside drive? Not Sixty. So I reached out and said, I don't do drive by meet and greets. At the very least there has to be some kind of meet up destination. If he was just looking for someone to hang out with in my place, how's about no and NO. Why, you, might ask? I love hanging out with FRIENDS or an SO but that's well after the initial meet and greet. Attention and a little respect must be paid to paraphrase Willie Loman. Now, if you don't know who Willie Loman is, google, get the play and read it NOW.
Am I being a tight ass? No, I don't thing so. I think I made this perfectly clear to mr meet and greet and he's now asking me if I'm interested in meeting early next week. I think he finally got it. Am not blowing him off because he might very well be a very nice guy...who knows?
Does Sixty need to be taken to the latest and greatest new resto? NO, and certainly not on a first date but Sixty does require an actual time and place that is not my house. Now, if I meet someone who I want to bring home, WHOLE OTHER STORY!!!! But so not there yet.
Let's see what mr tuesday drive by comes up with. I demand not much in terms of where and when but what I do demand is respect and being respectful in my book is asking someone to meet the other someone in a mutually agreeable place. If that's uptight, too bad. Loosey goosey I am and I've met in many different kinds of places but the key thing was there was a clear destination and not a test ride.
Several years ago, when after a divine year long relatoinship with my major college guy imploded, I dipped my toe into the dating pool. Jdate. GROAN, but that's a whole other story. I was very popular in July and August because that's when my kids were away at summer camp. A jdater asked me to meet him for breakfast at the local diner. I was less than thrilled as that's where half the town went and I really didn't want to have a yentah fest but what the hell, so I said yes.
That afternoon, I was talking to my then 85+ year old father. I told him that I had a sunday date. He was happy as he was very vested in me finding a nice guy and all that jazz. When he asked where I was going I said to breakfast without mentioning location. He assumed that I was being taken to the Short Hills Hilton for a nice brunch. No, said I, am going to the diner. DUMB!!! Well, that was met with an expletive filled 1 1/2 minute tirade and ended with him slamming down the phone.
###sidebar: we were a hanging up kind of family especially ben and me. Now if you hang up there's no noise no drama and half the time you just think you've been cut off, it defeats the whole damn purpose! LOL
Anyway, being a glutton for punishment, I call back dear dad a little steamed up and inquired WTH? Another mini tirade ending with some muttering about why I didn't value myself and let myself be treated that way. Now, my turn to yell at him and hang up the phone. Gave it a little thought and moved on. Met the guy for the date and he was as ben characterized a "cheap bastard". Oh goodie. Hated when he was right.
So these many years later, I have learned that I don't need to be blown away by someplace in your life to die for but I do need to be treated in the same way I would treat a date. Makes sense? Maybe yes, maybe no.
Ladies, if it works to meet up with someone on your corner without feeling crappy, then go for it. For me, not so much. A chacun a son gout.