LOVE LOVE LOVE and...


First of all, I just wrote a whole piece and in my inimitable fashion, deleted the whole damn thing so now I have to pull the threads of it back together. GROAN. Where is that 6 year old when I need her to fix all the computer things about which I am clueless? If you have one such child at your disposal, I pay well and I have mountains of cookies in my freezer. LEGIT.

About 25 years ago, I read a wonderful book called Love, Loss and What I Wore by Ilene Beckerman. What it is really is a very poignant grown up picture book in which Ilene told the story of her life through the outfits that she wore. Yes, she remembered everything and I can say that I, too, remember what I wore in kindergarten. No lie and thank you mom, what did you put me in? It was ugly but whatever.   I forgive you. You made up for that crappy outfit in oh so many more important ways.

Really what Ilene was writing about was love and loss and how the outfits just gives a picture of the feelings. I read the book over and over and cried and laughed with abandon. When both of my daughters were in kindergarten, they both brought the book for show and tell. They got it because kids do. BTW, if you can snag a copy of it, IT'S A MUST READ. I've lost mine years ago but am always looking for it sort of like for the right man.

Anyway, where is Sixty driving? At this point in life, there are many things about which I am unsure but the one thing I do know is that I have definitely loved and been loved at least 3 times and those were the "big" ones. We've covered the loves of our lives blah blah and I debunk the theory that we only get one love in our lifetimes. PUHLEEZE. If that was true, then we'd all be deleting our profiles and going back to bed with a bag of Tate's, a good red and the remote control.

Don't you believe that there really is someone out there just for  you? I actually do and in spite of my jokes and kidding around, I'm a firm believer in love but there's a but. Of course, there is. This is Sixty, after all.

For some reason, when I hear conversations about the "one" or being in love or "soulmate", I get a distinct case of the ughs. Charming. Why is that? Am not entirely sure but I've spent many years trying to figure it out. Is it cynicism? No! Is it terror of loving someone and being loved back and the commitment that comes with that? Possibly, but am working on that. OY, talking about a work in progress....

I guess what I don't buy into is the hollywood version of what love is. If life was like the movies then where are those great crescendos of music and the waves(reference Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From here to Eternity). What would a post be without me referring to at least one movie, TV show or song but you get my meaning.

Now, don't we all want someone to look at us like Gaga looked at Bradley at the Academy Awards? Hells to the yeah but that's not real, it's electrolux. And if they indeed have feelings for one another, go them. But yes, there are couples, real couples who look at one another and you just sense how much they love each other! Sigh...

What we want is someone with whom we connect almost instantaneously. Yes, there is chemistry but sometimes not right away. I've learned not to expect za za zhou immediately but I still want it at some point  because why not? Chemistry can often cloud one's judgement but it also, makes you feel connected to that person right away. Some great love stories start with being friends and sharing common interests. Ok, don't mean to sound like the nursing home but legit and that's at any age.

So does this mean that you have met your Besheert aka known as the one with whom you were meant to be when you feel that CLICK or is that your knee making that charming sound? Nothing interrupts a romantic interlude then when you get up and the cacophony of your joints clicking can be heard by all.

Anyway, forgetting the joints, does this mean he's it?? Not always. Sorry, then again, what do any of us really know? If you've met someone where conversation flows and you just seem to jive with him on so many levels, you could be driving in the right direction. He gets you and you get him and he seems to be the kind of man who will be there for all that life has to offer good and bad. Okay, does your heart pound out of your chest when you're with this person? If mine did, I would ask for a defibrillator. Don't want to drop dead right when I've found my guy, FINALLY. 

We all come along with baggage and if your maybe besheert comes with a whole set of Louis Vuitton, get rid of the guy and keep the  luggage. ONLY KIDDING. What I really mean is that the baggage is there but it cannot inform his life and spill into your life together. That goes for you ladies out there, too,  who just can't give up what went before. Snap out of it as you need to be present to love someone not seeped in memories of things passed.

Remember interspersed with candlelit dinners and fabulous vacations,there's life and if there really is love, you still love the guy when he's annoying as he does you. We are not always at our best but that doesn't matter if there's real love there. This person will be the perfect person for you. NOT PERFECT but the one for you. 

So I feel compelled  to address ah hum, soulmate. Not  a word I choose to use but that's my particular flavor. It's a word, like besheert and it's freighted with so many different meanings. What I really think it means is that you have joined your life with someone else's life and you've connected on every level. It means being hopeful of a future together but do we have to use the word?

So I've meandered along here but the takeaway is that YES, you will and can have more than one great love. Yes, you will be capable of loving  someone deeply and you won't any longer if you did earlier in life fall for the guy who just was never going to be IT. You deserve more and you will get it.

If you feel that you want to call each other soulmates, go for it. I won't be going that route with that word, I don't think but I will know that that person knows me inside out and loves me no matter what as I do him.

Where there's life there is hope and where there's hope there is love. Now dammit where is he? I'm waiting....

BTW, about that outfit....

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