Mr. Nice....

Where do I begin? How's about the beginning? I've prattled on about the first date ending up in the ER and this guy whom I barely knew, offering to go with me. I was flabbergasted as that was just so nice and apparently, I was not used to a mensch! 

We'd met on match. Where else? Yes, there are a plethora of apps and sites out there in cyber dating world but for the last while, Match had been my "drug" of choice. Did try bumble but i got pointer fingeritis from all that swiping. Am better when I can use all 10 of my digits, isn't everyone? 😉😉

So, for the purposes of the blog, I started calling him Mr. Nice as a play on Mr. Big from SexATC. And he was woops, is nice so why not use that word as his identifier plus,  I liked the pithiness of it. 

Now, this was going to be the new and improved Sixty. I was going to embrace the fact that he was nice and AM OVERUSING THAT WORD TO MAKE A POINT,  and tamp down my inner beeatch who had a habit of not letting anyone too too close and I am talking emotionally, still following me?  Also, and this one is important, I thought that if I developed a friendship with him, that indescribable feeling when you really like someone would come, eventually. You know like LIKE....

Alas, there was a flaw in my plan. Yes, in theory that works and in practice perhaps, it could work, too, but there has to be some za za zou and unlike Carrie B., I didn't just mean sex. Now, I don't mean that crazy love where you're thinking has been altered by the chemical buzz but exciting. EXCITING, now that was missing. 

Ok,  I'm trying to say that I wasn't feeling it or did I say that already? I liked him and loved the fact that he was Mr. Entertainment incarnate. He gave great date which ranged from a winery in upstate New York to little out of the way awesome restaurants in the village to etc etc etc. And did I mention that we saw each other once weekly and by his demand, that meant Saturday night  and I was good with it. Sort of,  meaning I was cool with the once a week thing but the whole sacrosanct aspect of Saturday night was a little too 1958 but I didn't make a parade out of it. And he was such a sweet guy so why not accommodate him? 

And then, he asked me to go to Greece with him. He had already planned a vaca there at some singles resort, no judgement, so reluctantly, I hopped on as I had never been to Greece and why not? Inside I was dropping dead as I hadn't traveled with a man in eons, other than weekend hops,  and the prospect was a little daunting but I told myself SNAP OUT OF IT and off I went.

Now, he made it perfectly clear that he was paying for hotels  and other things but I was to pay for my airfare and take us out to dinner a few times. I was down for that deal. We flew separately to Athens as he had booked way before I did. Am a horrible flyer and this time, I was white knuckled from hysteria that I was actually going with HIM and sheesh, was I crazy? NO, just and still adventurous and a trip is just a trip. Isn't it??? 

Greece is drop dead romantic catnip. The sunsets, the water, the sunsets and damn, where was that feeling?? YOU GET WHERE I'M DRIVING, YES??!!! Another thing that bugged me but again, I was trying not to nitpick... he had a thing about me paying attention to him. One evening at a lovely, divine restaurant, he whined, yes, whined about how that afternoon on this fabulous catamaran cruise,  which I paid for btw, I didn't talk to him enough. Oh dear. Needy much but hey, who am i to criticize, I can be needy with the best of them, sigh. 

This thing though about attention being paid, what was he Willy Loman, was really starting to grate on my nerves and included going to my friend's son's wedding and again with the not paying attention to him. Was I not supposed to say hello to people? He and I danced, we chatted but yes, I got up to say hi to people I hadn't seen in years. SUE ME! Also, what's up with his thing about hating weddings? Who doesn't love a happy occasion celebrating? Apparently, him. 

And so it went as did the almost constant drumbeat in my head about the za za zou combined with my evil twin berating me to give him a shot. He's sweet, he's kind and so on and so forth. OY. And let's not forget my very well meaning and caring daughters hocking me about Mr. Nice and GO MOM. I didn't have the heart to tell them that this was most likely,  no love match. They were more excited that I had a boyfriend than I was. Oh and that word. I just couldn't wrap myself around the concept, in general but with him especially. So...........

And did I mention that he was stubborn as hell and had some significant anger issues?  I'd seen flashes of it and made the decision if it kept happening, I was O-U-T. Now, again hate to admit it but sixty has been known to throw a fit or 2 or 1000 but  have been working on that issue for years and I'm getting there. Too much energy wasted and BASTA!

OK, so I've painted the picture fairly accurately. Still bumping and grinding along but wary and starting to really notice that I REALLY wasn't rocking it and why was I still there?  Grow up, I told myself, he was a good companion and could be fun and he really was/is a good and decent man. 

So what if he had a tantrum every so often which were becoming somewhat more frequent. 

Now, was i the best actor in this play? Not really. Was I better than I have been? Yes, absolutely but...it wasn't right. My BFF kept saying to me that i was settling and i yelled at him, that I was being mature... YEAH RIGHT. 

Anyway, we reached our tipping point 2 weeks ago, when we met for a movie with a side of hostility and anger. I was thinking that I should just send him home but nah, why not go to dinner?? 
I was into drinking dinner as this wasn't fun at all. Then he sprung on me that he was taking his son to Prague and Budapest, a trip we had discussed going on. I was decidedly irrationally unhappy about that considering i was drinking dinner for self care reasons, why would I want to go on vacation with him? 

The next morning, he told me he was over it. I was not shocked but I was hurt and pissed as why the hell didn't I do that? What was with that? I'm not good at moving on although, to give myself credit, I no longer needed a xanax to tell someone on a phone call meet and greet that I wasn't into him, in a nice way, of course.

###sidebar:(you know how sixty loves her sidebars!) Mr. N. had told me early on that he had an affair while still married to his wife but, adding the caveat that it was at the end of his marriage. BUT FOR 7 YEARS!! Not a huge fan on stepping out on the spouse but hey,  I didn't like it but whatever, past is past...

That Saturday night though, he got his story mixed up and told me that no, he was with this woman in the earlier years of his marriage. Why did he lie? Who cared but YUCK!! And was that "nice"? HOWS ABOUT HELLS TO THE NO?!! And yes, yes, even sixty has things in the past about which I am not proud but I own them and don't lie about them. Why bother? 

So bye bye Mr. Nice. Was I scorched? Not really. Was I sad? Yah, because I really did enjoy having someone in my life, who on many levels was a good guy. But it wasn't him and really never was. The good thing that came of all of this is that I tried and that's a big deal and next time, and yes, next time, maybe it will work. And let's not forget Greece and the fact, that, yes, I can manage to go on a vacation like a whole grown up person. Attention must be paid to all the positives. Wow, who am I? Oh wait, am that grown up, finally.

Lastly, I wish him only the best as why not? On many levels, I realized that he was unhappy with me because I just couldn't get to where he wanted me to be in the relationship. 

Takeaway, dear readers? If it's right and meant to be, you will know it. Simple as that. Can't feel what you don't feel. 

AND--- the beat goes on... STAY TUNED...




Comments

  1. Aw. what a story! You are doing great. I'm so proud of your "being brave." You really do take life by the horns and live it. You experience so much, and if it doesn't work out, meh. You took a risk, and in the meantime, enjoyed some good dinners and trips....still living life instead of hunkered down in your place. Plus, it made for another wonderful blog, that I live vicariously through you. Thanks Ellen!

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    1. I didn't realize this didn't say who I am! It's Mary Congdon

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