Who is good at endings? Well, sixty stinks at endings and moving on and I've made huge progress but I realized how far I still have to go just this week.
I've seen many blog posts about moving on. Moving on comes easily to some and to others, moi, not so much. Again, better but not great. So what's a girl to do? Perpetual work in progress. OY vey.
***sidebar: the sprinkling of yiddishisms not unusual for me but there will also, be a small tribute in Italian to my forever friend. oh woops, I didn't talk about that yet, hold on, it's coming.
So where am I driving? I'm driving to the fact that for 2 weeks, I've tried to sit down and write about what's what about endings and a very specific one and I have not been able to do it. Today, I corkscrewed myself to a dining room chair and am determined to get it done.
At the end of this week, my go to guy, about whom I've written as one of the 3 loves of my life, and probably OH HELL, who am I kidding, more than likely, the most important one, thus far, is moving.
He and I haven't had the boyfriend/girlfriend thing in 35 years but we evolved into being friends, really more than friends. My 100% always and forever go to guy: bestie, advocate, rabbi all rolled up into one human being. Boy, he's had some job.😉😉😉
###sidebar, I know, I know, another one. Humor me. He got married 30+ plus years ago as did I. Big diff he's still married, happily and well, you remember, this is sixty, I’m not but still looking, sort of as we know marriage is not my end goal.
And as we know, sixty doesn't love change. Little changes, sure. Hell, I'm a brunette again, that's change, right? But a change in my formation of peeps, no no and NO.
Now mind you, we see each other about 3 or 4 times a year but he's always been a phone call away for how's about 40+ years. To put it into proper perspective, about 70% of my life to date. We met when I was 22 1/2, yes under 25 and over 100, we count half years. Whose rule? Mine. He is older.
Several months ago, we had one of our dinners at which time he told me that he was moving. I didn't believe him. He is the quintessential New Yorker.
Where does he think he's going? I looked at him and said, you can't move, it would be like moving the Chrysler Building to I don't even know where but just moving it. UNFREAKINGACCEPTABLE. Sixty ever dog with a bone if i have a point, persisted pulling whatever i could out of my arsenal that has been honed for 40+ years.
What about his kids, his grandkids, his work, me? What are we all chopped liver?
Segue forward to this week or should i say last week? We made plans to have lunch. Then i got the perpetual frog living in my throat and had to cancel and we rescheduled to this past Monday. I had other commitments but cancelled them all because not seeing him before he left was not happening. As one of my besties said, if I missed saying goodbye, there really would be no living with me and he was right.
Anyway, as I walked to the restaurant, I rehearsed what I was going to say and what i was NOT going to say. It was a tall order but needed to do it. Now, this guy is not a huge fan of voluble emotional scenes. How did he live with me for years? I have no idea but it worked for quite awhile.
So, I let him tell me about his new house and selling his apartment and blah blah blah which quite frankly sounded like he was moving to the other side of hell. We laughed over old pictures of the 2 of us. Damn, we were one attractive couple.
What I was not expecting from him was the admission that he was freaking out about leaving his whole life behind him. HIS WORDS. The reality of the actual leave taking really got to him because it's literally in a few days. He was really shook up. As above, this is not his usual MO but leaving his home of a lifetime is not usual.
I put my arm around him and said he was going to be fine and he would see his kids when he comes for holidays and all that jazz. We walked back to his office and then it was my turn. He hugged me and told me that life was going to be just like it had been. I had devolved at that point to tears and more tears and you get the picture. one giant exposed nerve dba hot mess...Many year ago, we saw ET together and there is that scene where ET tells the kids that he will be right there and I said that to him and he said it back to me and that's true or so I have been telling myself for days.
WOW, and that's it. A whole swath of both of our lives, poof not really but I haven't gotten to the rational part of it yet.
I shoveled myself into an uber and went home. The one good thing was that I didn't yell at the Uber driver when he went the wrong way.
So, there we have it. That's the farewell part of the program but new beginnings for him and for me. He's going to have a whole new life that he will like and I'm going to start dating again and see where that takes me.
What's the takeaway? Old friends never leave. They may move away or change but they remain in your heart forever. So, mio caro amico, it's not addio because that connotes forever, it's ciao until we meet again.....