Dating in the time of a pandemic....

Took the title of this post from one of the most gorgeous books I've ever read, Love in the time of Cholera, amazing. No, this post is not a masterpiece but rather a few ruminations about dating during this worldwide health crisis. Not to minimize the scariness of it all, but there will be humor as it's great stress mitigation. And what would a humorless post from sixty be like, well, boring and I'm the writer so I know. 

So, dating always a laugh riot. Now, holy gee, there are no words and more than likely, no dates. First of all, there the United States and many other countries have declared a state of emergency. Now, I don't listen to rules but this I listen to and so should you.
We have been told by health care experts on infectious diseases to stay at home and to minimize contact with others. Prudent and a hell of a lot more important than dating, Although, often dating serves legit,  the purpose of making one laugh but not with the person with whom you are on a date but often the cup of cuckoo and absurdity of it all. Know what I mean. That's some sentence and a word or 2 missing. OY.

Sixty is on Bumble and since my hands have been washed so much the swipeitis is a mere nothing compared to hands that now resemble lobster claws. That's why not only are the gloves being used for health reasons, they are also, being used by me for vanity. Yup, embarrassed as  these hands are scary and don't get me started about the whole manicure thing. Why would anyone go for a manicure now?  When there is not a health crisis, even the nicest salons are like a petri dish for all kinds of things and now, NAH. So gloves, YAH. Shoot why did my daughter only order blue?  Black would have gone with so many other things. Oh well. 

Mr Doctor sounds like a terrific guy and I really do want to go out with him but not sure if it will work. First of all, the place i picked is a tiny place already a big NISHT/ google it and then there's the consideration that my hazmat suit increases my girth by twofold, which means I will not fit into the place.

So what to do what to do? Hell, it may not even be a conversation when they close all the restaurants. This really should be the worst thing anyone worries about but I like to worry, not really but really,  so why not throw some BS on top of real things about which to worry. 

Today, I got a message from this guy, nice enough but arrogant. He asked me if I would like to go out for brunch tomorrow. Does he read a paper or listen to the news? Didn't want to be abrupt so made up a story that in deference to my daughters concerns about my well being,   I was staying close to home as they worry. Well, he shoots back with, " You actually listen to your kids and I'm seeing clients at the office". Excuse me, is he five and are we playing nah nah nah nah nah and sticking our tongues out at each other.  First of all tongues out, now EWWWWWWWWWWW. Which brings me to kissing. Sorry that is verboten so the usual kiss good night when appealing is right out the window.
 So sixty sent this guy a measured oh so nice F-U and next.... Don't need another baby in my life and this one sounds like a big baby. I already gave birth to 2 babies and have dated a few and was married to the baby of all times so, pasadena and NEXT. 

Good luck to him getting a date as I don't really know anyone who's actually going on one of those things. What are they called again? oh yah, dates. 

Dating is now seemingly not officially but sort of is, off the menu. Now, of course, you can meet someone for a walk in the park but wait, have to get there and then stay 6 feet away from that person.

Time to put a figurative pin in it. That doesn't mean one gives up the search but one has to be inventive. Face Time, perhaps or not? I'm not a fan but that's because I always look like I have 4 chins but maybe it would be fun and I'll bring my own wine. That's the true meaning of a cheap date.

Bottom line, insta friends is that health is paramount and even more important at this juncture than finding mr wonderful, who may be at the other end of a face time convo.  You never know. 
Now, I don't do phone sex but others enjoy so get into  it if that's your jam. Or try it, you might like it. Now didn't your mother say that about some odious food on your plate?  Well, I don't think she had phone sex in mind/lololol

Wash your hands, stay away from people, STAY SAFE, count your blessings and by all means keep 💃💃 and you know how they say dance like no one is looking so tear off all those clothes and go go go!!! And if there's nothing on netflix and you're bored to tears, make sure you have batteries and a toy nearby.

And the beat goes on....................................




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