What do you think? Do you ever think of the guys who came in and out of your life? More often than not, these thoughts stay tucked away in the past where they belong but in these days of endless introspection and random thought trains, things just pop up.
Today, I was just thinking of my oh so famous idealized big time bf. After 45 years of which 9 we were together, we have a steady wonderful friendship but he moved away and then covid happenend and the rest is ugh. So today, he called. It was fabulous to just hear his voice. Lots of great memories and some not so great but hey, nothing is perfect. The phone call sent me down the rabbit hole of walking down memory lane. a few Frank Sinatra songs later and some tears, I pulled it up. Why? I will love him forever ever because he's one of my peeeps but life must go on.
Another wonderful fabulous bf from the past has moved away, too, and yes, sixty the collector, we remained great friends and I have been bereft without him. Is there a pattern here? For quite a long time, I beat myself up about why it ended but finally stopped as where am I going with that? You got it nowhere. so next but like the big time bf, he is in my forever ever group.
Recently, a few friends have sprouted up to whom I haven't spoken in decades and it's fun to reconnect with someone from college and even elementary school.
Some know someone who no longer exists so it's kind of weird reacquainting them with the person who I am now but it's worth it. Right now, a good friend whose fun and funny is a hell of a lot better than the other things on the menu. BTw and i've said it before a few new girlfriends thrown in the mix would be cool, too.
So now, having been in the lucky group who has gotten vaxxed. What next? Let old boyfriends cloud my vision? Nah, can't waste the emotional bandwidth. I got work to do....don't I??? ....
Spoke to an old friend yesterday who asked me if I envisioned the rest of my life alone. Why not just slap me upside the head?? Having spent the last year alone, that question was not one which I chose to wrestle with but it kept me up all night. What did I conclude? Not much and that's ok, too.
For anyone who follows me the intrepid dater and forever optimist, sort of, you know I've struggled with the do I want a SO, or don't I? Now realizing much closer to a big birthday sooner than later, FFS, why am I still struggling with this? The answer is simple. Right? NO. anything but. So because am sixty I have some thoughts which I will endeavor to keep at a coherent minimum.
Get my profile back up on match and with the caveat that if the person hasn't been vaxxed with proof, bye bye and move on down the road. The stunning thing is the same people are out there. Well, hell so am I so what do I expect? What is it that attracts me? Gone for a longish time are the inappropriate players. At 65 plus these guys who are forever shopping for the latest flavor no longer holds any allure. Add that the really bad boys. I know a geriatric bad boy is sort of an oxymoron or just a moron but whatever. So getting down to it, a nice guy who likes to laugh, eat, play, be naughty and nice and all that jazz. One would think that would be easy to find. FUHGEDDABOUTIT. Winning the lottery while dancing down broadway naked with my 25 year old body back would be more easily accomplished
How about accept my own limitations with commitment and the very narrow playing field which alas, grows smaller with every birthday FOR WOMEN and settle well, not settle exactly but recalibrate expectations to somewhere in the reality zone. THe mensch with kids who aren't lunatics and who still works and does more than watch sports on TV. Am I asking for the freaking world? Hardly.
Now, let's say the guy appears and he's a go. So rules. Nisht those are long gone and I never followed them much anyway. Ever the rule breaker am not going to fit into anyone's box at this point.
How about something slightly unorthodox? A non commitment commitment. Follow me on this. WE like each other but we don't want to spend all of our time together and the living with someone without my own room and bathroom is odious. Even with those creature comforts still leaves me cold.
Ok, and what about sex? Yes, sex what about it? It's been so long that I don't even know if I'm interested but legit I know I am but I would need to be significantly defrosted to come alive again but am willing. Rocking and rolling like we are 25. Could still be on the menu but no no one needs a broken him but seriously, tenderness with a touch of za za zou and a great kisser sounds good.
Are we just with each other? Yes, surprised you, huh? I'm not bed jumping nor do I want someone who still thinks that's fun. Way too many moving parts and way too confusing. Yes? Of course, yes!!
So takeaway a guy whose terrific and fun but not clingy or needy with no children still living with daddy or cats. Sorry, I'm afraid of cats and lunatic kids ugh. Kids with jobs and relatively sane much more better and less work. Now, I am sort of prejudiced. Someone who has never had kids is never going to get the attachment and I don't have the time to waste trying to explain it so the guy who never had them so guy with kids is usually the better choice at least for me.
Getting a dog who will replace that whole in my heart that Eli leaving left me has to happen. Getting a resuce dog is beyond tough as everyone wants a dog since covid. Can't someone want a cat? See a dog and boom Sold out and impossible to order but am trying and yes, a dog is not a person but it's companionship and in the male department, Eli was my longest and best relationship. I've said it before and I kid you not.
The other day I came across a picture of Eli from several years ago dressed in a leather jacket my girls bought for him and out came this avalanche of tears because I miss my boychick. so pedal to the metal on that one. I'm softening my stance on only getting a rescue but there are year long waiting lists to buy a dog, too. My SIL probably bored of hearing me whining about eli suggested a cat. Cats are so not for me. Why? Well, there's the afraid part and too self possessed. I need a needy dog of the 4 legged kind. The 2 legged needy def permanent pasadena.
Flip side is having someone to hold my hand, kiss me goodnight and dance with etc. all things to ponder while the TV flickers with The Affair. Yes, am rewatching it and it's as hot as ever but oy, the complications. Human relationships are riddled with issues and hurdles. The key is to keep the complications at a minimum. As I've grown older and maybe a tad wiser, I realize that something too twisted is way too much work, aggravation and ultimately lousy.
So stay tuned, my friends, sixty may have been in a holding pattern for the last while, but never count me out of the game. And hell, I have to date otherwise, what the hell am I going to write about? My kids think that I should write a book not about dating and I've been pondering it. Am still on ponder 101. I don't move too quickly but am getting back my mojo so watch out sixty's on the move.
MAKE IT FABULOUS and remember if I can do the dating doo doo dance so can you if that's on your to do list.