Can’t make this stuff (s - - -) up

Haven’t written a post in eons and figured why not and that was a few months ago but today, just had to report in as I literally cannot make this crap up. I would use the other word but after all, I’m a lady, don’t you know? 

Sooooo, yes, at the ripe old age of 1000, I’m out there not too doggedly,  looking for a guy who is NOT INSANE. Is that really too much to ask? I don’t think so but hell, what do i know? I’ve been dating for decades if I include from 12 onto the present. Of course, in that time, there was a marriage, ugh, 2 amazing kids♥️ and other entanglements, relationships, man dieting etc. 

 But yah, dating for forever and as Charlotte said in one desperate moment, “I’ve been dating for 20 years, where is he?” Ok, where is he and why is it when he does show up, I’d rather hang with Penny. 

BTW, if you don’t know who Charlotte is, then I don’t know what to say. And just like that, I move on….WINK WINK

Now, I have noticed that bumble attracts some nice people and  a very, verysmall amount of scammers. What’s a scammer? How do I know? Do i look like I was born yesterday and survived 35 years in the fashion industry while  raising 2 kids alone, hello, how do you do, street smarts, of course!!! I can smell STINK miles away. SO NO one is getting one over on me. The End. 

Then you have the non scammer but the “businessman”. The one who comes in hot with the gorgeous blah blah stuff and then zooms in and starts selling some kind of either pyramid scheme or self help crapola or some product that doesn’t exist and so on. Delete and block, bye bye!

Now, post divorce i have had some doozies and some great guys. I’ve had Mr toys r us, Mr. my weenie doesn’t work and it’s your fault, mr naked in his beach house showing his shortcomings, with a chicken cutlet in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other and didn’t get why i was running out of the house, mr can i clean your tonsils when he says hello first time, mr your older than my 90 year old father and no, i don’t read menus to my dates and the assorted guys who were nice but not for me. Try reading that aloud. Lol

And yes, the ones who were great and we dated and had a relationship and then it ended. The best 2 relationships, I’ve had to date were with my college boyfriend and another guy who was my friend’s bf in college. Yes, girl code but statute of limitations runs out after 40 years. Alas, much to my chagrin at the time, they didn’t work out  but so it goes.  So grateful to have had the experiences…and because I’m a keeper, the bf of my friend, is now a very dear friend. So YAY!

But yesterday, i had something that holy gee, couldn’t make this shit up. Nice enough looking guy so i swiped right, and BOOM, we’ve matched. Big woop but it’s always just a tiny bit exciting and this guy had hair, seemed intelligent and a jeweler? What could be bad? Bumble gives prompts like asking the woman what’s on guy’s vacation bucket list. Alright, i know i said no games but hell, why not play? I write back some drivel that looked like i thought about it then said just for context that i was going with my daughters to Europe and was psyched, my words, to be with the kids on the same continent together. WOOHOOOOOO!

All good. Without missing a beat this guy says, “oh you mean, me traveling with your lovely, luscious daughters” YUM YUM. YUM YUM, YOU SICK SOB. After I picked up my jaw off the couch i wrote back huh and GO TO HELL and a few choice words which will go unsaid cuz am a lady, right? Call me a prude but UGH that’s gross. That was a first and hopefully a last. 

So OLD SICK F - - - not only got deleted and blocked, he got reported to the bumble gods.

Now, yes, my daughters  are very pretty young women but really REALLY??? How does he know what my kids look like because they’re in some of my pics. End of that tale.

Anyway, yup, i picked up my phone again this morning because have to be positive, right? Or go on dating hiatus. I’ve had ones which have lasted 4 years and that had nothing to do with covid. 

So there you go. Could i have made this shit up? The answer is NO because am clever but not twisted. Well, maybe a little but in a lighthearted funny way.

Have 2 dates next week. And both are already annoying me why because that’s me but do they have to talk about how much money they have and/or their dead wife and yadda yadda. But maybe one of them will become  mr sixty. NO, not married no interest but to hang out with and have fun and to have someone who asks how was your day honey? Btw, that can come via phone as living with someone, not so much but you never know.

So ladies, if like me you’re interested in finding mr. Nice guy, not a shlepper, has teeth, doesn’t live with mother and has sense of humor and is kind and intelligent and has joie de vive and doesn’t talk about what hurts today. GO FOR IT. And remember, YOU’RE FABULOUS, don’t settle for less. 

HAPPY DAY KIDS AND SEE YOU SOON!


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